Consider this: You have just found your romantic partner and you both are very happy with each other. You both enjoy each other’s company, have fun together, and love to spend time with each other.
This is such a wonderful feeling and an amazing time. However, at some point, you are bound to have your first fight or argument. In fact, Dr. John Gottman, a researcher who studied over 3000 married couples over a span of 40 years, says 69% of issues in couples remain unresolved. (Here’s the link to all his research findings, if you are interested)
So how do you navigate through this?
Well, here are A Happy Couple’s 7 Must-Have Tips for new couples to keep their relationship happy and always buzzing with romance and passion! And also, how A Happy Couple would implement these tips in their day-to-day life!
- Tip 1: Value your (and their) Me Time
- Tip 2: It’s not what you think. It’s what you say
- Tip 3: Fights are a valuable lesson too
- Tip 4: Find something you both love to do together (Read: A common hobby)
- Tip 5: Difficult conversations lead to a happy time ahead
- Tip 6: Accept each other as a package along with shortcomings
- Tip 7: Be yourself and be Patient
Tip 1: Value your (and their) Me Time
This is often one of the most neglected parts of a relationship. We as a couple become so invested in each other, that we forget to cater for our recharge time. As a human being, it is imperative that we take time off from constant interaction and stimulation.
By planning your “ME” time properly, you both will accomplish a ritual that not only will help you re-energize, but also strengthen your bond and confidence in each other.
How A Happy Couple takes “ME” time
Everyday, we take an hour off from each other. We do all sorts of random things during that period. Rozy does her own things and I do my own things. I might read some articles, blogs, or watch some videos, or a show I like, listen to an interesting podcast, or simply lay down and do nothing! Rozy might work in the kitchen, talk to her folks, check out on her maths things, or may lay down, have a nap simply do nothing!
The important thing is, we do not, interfere with or nag each other in that time period. I reserve that time for myself, she reserves that time for herself. It does not need to be the same 1 hour time every day, heck it doesn’t even have to be an hour every day. Just whatever feels right. Sometimes, it’s just 15 minutes and I am already bored with myself!
Tip 2: It’s not what you think. It’s what you say
How many times have you said to yourself “This is so obvious. He/she obviously understands this.”
This is the cause of almost 90% misunderstandings between a couple. I can’t stress this enough. You both need to get out of your head and talk. Yes, it does sound magical to feel you both understand each other very well and the obvious don;t need to restated in your relationship.
While that stage will definitely come, but it takes its own sweet time. And you guys need to stick to each other before it can happen. So, till you are there, make sure you speak out your thoughts aloud to your partner. If you don’t, there is a pretty good chance they don’t know exactly what’s going on in your head.
How A Happy Couple communicates
We have learnt to speak up! I and Rozy has been toagther for 14 years now, but we still never assume that other person knows what is going in our head. If I am thinking of something, have some concerns or would like rozy to do something, I wouldn’t just assume that she would know it or do it. I speak up and let her know. Many times, she already knows what I am about to say, other times, she is happy that I said it.
Similarly, if Rozy needs me to do something, she does not assume I know it and would do it obviously. She would just give me a shout to do that. And it keeps things simple and easy, and not to mention, Happy!
Tip 3: Fights are a valuable lesson too
Arguments, fights, disagreements are not bad. In fact, they are key to a healthy relationship where you both have equal say and opportunity to discuss the direction of the relationship.
In fact, research shows that a couple who fights often actually are better at blowing off steam on major issues, and tend to stay together in the long run. Awesome, right?
Don’t be afraid to have small disagreements or arguments. It’s inevitable in a relationship. Just make sure you don’t make the argument or issue bigger than your relationship.
It’s okay to have disagreements and arguments, but it’s also important to respect each other’s views.
How A Happy Couple fights
It’s not that we as A Happy Couple never fight or never have arguments. We do. And a lot of them! What we did was made a very simple rule of thumb:
We shall never go to bed with an unfinished argument or fight.
This simple but very effective rule ensures that we don;t sleep with a grudge. Either we finish the argument and reach a conclusion before bed time, or we agree to disagree and let it be! Both ways, we don;t have to worry about the next morning. Every morning is fresh and happy start for us as a couple.
Tip 4: Find something you both love to do together (Read: A common hobby)
You both would have your own favorite hobbies. And it is highly likely you both do not take much interest in each other’s hobbies that much. Which, by the way, perfectly fine.
What you need to do is, find a hobby, an activity that both of you enjoy doing together. Why you ask? It will help accomplish the following:
- It will instill the feeling of togetherness and being there for each other when you do something together and help each other while on it. Which in turn will end up strengthening your bond and trust in each other as a couple.
- When you both do something together (plant a tree, make a pot, learn that new dance step, anything), it will fill you a sense of accomplishment and make you trust more yourselves as a “team”
What A Happy Couple does
Now, we as a couple are very much different, our hobbies, interests are mostly on the opposite ends of a conversation! However, we figured out that combining our interests, we could make a hobby which we both enjoy equally, gives us the opportunity to do where we excel and brush up the areas we generally are not good at.
Rozy enjoys teaching Mathematics, talking about things, being out there in front. She is basically a people person. Mostly, people enjoy her company and love to be around her. I, on the other hand, am mostly an introvert guy, not very much talkative. I love to work with technology, systems, internet. I am basically an IT nerd.
So we started a YouTube channel, Simplifying Maths in which Rozy imparts mathematics knowledge and I get to do the technical stuff.
Also, we started A Happy Couple blog. Here as well, Rozy is the face of the Blog and I do what I like, the tech stuff and writing!
Whenever a post or a video or any other piece of content goes live, it gives us the collaborative sense of achievement and makes our trust in us as a team even stronger.
Tip 5: Difficult conversations lead to a happy time ahead
Couples often avoid having a difficult conversation with each other. Especially when they are having a great time together. We have learnt that that’s not always the best things to do. As an indivitual, you guys would have few things you’d want to talk to each other about but would find it very difficult, or often are not sure when or from where to start.
Our 14 years of experience, get these things out of the way as soon as you can. Earlier, the better. A difficult conversation today between you and your significant other will pave the way to a happier time ahead and lead your relationship to a blissful state forever (or till your next argument!).
How A Happy Couple handles a difficult conversation
Honestly, we learned it the hard way. There was something that I wanted to tell Rozy, and out of our 14 years of relationship, that was the only thing that was a secret from her. I just couldn’t figure out how to tell or more precisely, when to tell. That was a huge, huge burden.
Eventually, we ended up having that conversation, which once seems like an impossible conversation and was very difficult to begin. Turned out she also had a few things to share. We did have a few rough days over it, but eventually, everything was settled. And as I mentioned above, we did not sleep on anything. We finished every conversation before going to bed, which was a huge help.
Today I and Rozy, we both believe that our relationship has grown even stronger since then. Not to mention a huge burden off the shoulders!
Tip 6: Accept each other as a package along with shortcomings
Let’s face it. No one is perfect. Neither you nor your significant other. People are, well, people. Everyone has got their own quirks and lovables. Don’t be upset if your better half is not good at reading social situations as you are, or if they are not as skilled in something you excel at, or they are not as good in the home organization as you, or they are not as versed with home DIY stuff as you, or they are not as patient as you, or they panic easily, you get the point.
It’s fine, everyone learns with time, Just accept it as a part of them. Don’t sweat it. It’s okay if you think they being good in something will help them in the long run. Just help them through it. Just guide them, hold their hand and walk them through. Show them how it’s done. And most importantly, give them time to work on their quirks. Plenty of it.
Understand that they are what they are not because of an overnight transformation. It has taken them years to be the person they are. So don’t expect their personality traits to change overnight. It is going to take time. And in some cases, it is never going to happen.
How A Happy Couple copes up with each other’s quirks
We have many things that we would like to change for each other. One of the major pain point for Rozy regarding me is, I am a very very messy person. I don’t have the habit to keep my things organized. But she is very patient. She keeps on telling me every now and then to keep things in place, but she does this in a way that does not seem like nagging. She is not constantly repeating herself. She makes sure to only say things when she is sure I am going to take it. Ergo, I am in the right mood. Not upset or something.
For me, biggest dislike with Rozy is, she is overly emotional. She would take literally any stranger’s remarks to her heart. She cares too much about what people think about her. I do keep on occasionally reminding her to not care for what people think, but I make sure not to do it when she is already in a bad mood. I do it when she is in a jolly mood and is willing to listen.
One important thing we never ever say to each other is: “I told you so.” We believe that is the worst thing to say when your partner is already feeling low.
This way, we both are always improving and sure slowly, but steadily. And are more tolerant towards each other.
Tip 7: Be yourself and be Patient
I can not stress this enough. This is last in the list because it is so important that if you take away only one thing from this blog, let it be this one. This is one of our most important tips for new couples.
Do not pretend to be someone or something you are not. If you are looking forward to a long term relationship with your significant other, you need to be comfortable in the relationship. And so do them.
When you pretend to do or like something that you don’t, just because you want to make them happy, somewhere deep, it would make a small part of you feel compromised. And it’s will give incorrect signals to your better half regarding your life choices. So eventually, when this keeps on repeating, you are like a steam-filled pressure cooker because you are thinking you have been making all the sacrifices in the relationship, and your partner is thinking that you are linking all those things and keeps on doing them again and again.
This is a vicious cycle that can quickly make a relationship toxic.
This is one of the biggest reasons why couples have this grudge with each other: “You have changed”. The best way to avoid it is, don’t pretend. Just be yourself. As I mentioned above, you need to accept each other as a package. Let you and them adjust to each other as you are. Yes, it will take some time, and yes it will take some patience. But it’s all worth it. The resulting relationship would be so much better, comforting, and true.
How A Happy Couple retains their identity
As I mentioned earlier, I and Rozy are very different personalities. But neither we try to impersonate someone, nor do we pretend to like something when we do not.
We are pretty straightforward at each other’s faces. And because we have accepted each other as it is, it’s fairly easy for us to understand the other persons viewpoint. Because we are pretty clear with our likes and dislikes, we are very confident to let each other know about them. And this transparency helps us keep things simpler. We do not have unrealistic expectations from each other which we might need to turn down. We try to plan our routine in a way that the things I like to do and she does not, remain out of her way and vice versa.
This is not to say we never do anything for each other. We do. it’s just we are mindful when we know we are doing something for each other which we do not like. This way. if I do something for Rozy out of my comfort zone or liking, she is appreciative and mindful about it. And similarly, if she does something for me out of her comfort zone, I am appreciative and mindful about it.
For example, I do not like shopping but still go with her. She does not like her sentence being cut mid way, which I do many times, but she bears with me!
This makes both of more supportive of dislikes with each other’s activities.
These were our 7 must-have tips for new couples. Hope you enjoyed reading through and could relate to the situations resolutions. We do believe these tips would definitely take your relationship to the next level of awesomeness!
That’s it for today folks! I hope you enjoyed reading through our 7 must-have tips for new couples! If you did, make sure you spread the word by sharing this with someone you think would benefit from this too! We do believe these tips would definitely take your relationship to the next level of awesomeness!
Also, don’t Forget to share with us in the comments below any other helpful tips and suggestions you think a new couple can benefit from.
Also, if you haven’t already, make sure you check out our Epic Journey. It’s thoroughly entertaining. I promise :). Plus, if it interests you, click here to check out the 5 reasons why “A Happy Couple” exists. And if by an chance it is raining while you are reading this, check out 5 Fun and Romantic Couple Activities to do on a Rainy Day!
Thank you. Untill next time, ciao!